Last weekend. Last Saturday. In Utah.

 Good morning dear people! 

I had to delete that last post, I am sure I didn't quite think it through and I most certainly had almost all filters off hahhha. At least most of them and that is just plain stupid. I am sometimes tired when I write and then the TRUTH (?) comes out, or parts of it... My opinions are very strong most of the time and I don't need to alienate my readers further and/or make them think I am completely cuckoo. I am a little cuckoo, but honestly, there are far more people in the world who are cuckoo to the same degree, or maybe even more cuckoo than me...

I just have a lot to say! 

Being bullied in school and at church and by people who have once called me their friend, that is not easy. In school I was a teeny tiny bit chubby, like maybe 5 kilos too heavy or something, so I was called fatso. EVERY DAY for 10 years I was bullied in school. Then my mini mission came and I couldn't sleep or rest for two weeks, maybe 4 hours a night. Try to survive THAT without going nutso, good luck! 

The bullying at church has exclusively been by members of my own ward. One of my friends who is not a a member anymore, hears rumors and gossip from her mom, and that has been passed on by other "ladies" in the church, for over a decade. They tell me often what people have said. I don't tell them what they say about them, because I am a decent human being.

I did not realize how much gossip ladies in my ward like to talk. 

But their opinion doesn't matter. 

And their opinions shouldn't be any of my business but when my other friends tell me what other say...

It is really mean and stupid of them really. They are a bit confused themselves, I think...

It has made me feel so much anxiety.

Speaking of anxiety! I have had one moment I sobbed here, one day that I was feeling low, but most of my visit here has been so joyful, active and happy! I am a lot healthier here. I have so much more energy. And my friends are so nice.

I will always remember the good times.

I am so grateful for this past month here <3 I will never forget it.

I have learned a lot and become stronger.

I am a little tired, I think I need a nap! Good night! :)

More later!