Skip to main content

Last weekend. Last Saturday. In Utah.

 Good morning dear people! 

I had to delete that last post, I am sure I didn't quite think it through and I most certainly had almost all filters off hahhha. At least most of them and that is just plain stupid. I am sometimes tired when I write and then the TRUTH (?) comes out, or parts of it... My opinions are very strong most of the time and I don't need to alienate my readers further and/or make them think I am completely cuckoo. I am a little cuckoo, but honestly, there are far more people in the world who are cuckoo to the same degree, or maybe even more cuckoo than me...

I just have a lot to say! 

Being bullied in school and at church and by people who have once called me their friend, that is not easy. In school I was a teeny tiny bit chubby, like maybe 5 kilos too heavy or something, so I was called fatso. EVERY DAY for 10 years I was bullied in school. Then my mini mission came and I couldn't sleep or rest for two weeks, maybe 4 hours a night. Try to survive THAT without going nutso, good luck! 

The bullying at church has exclusively been by members of my own ward. One of my friends who is not a a member anymore, hears rumors and gossip from her mom, and that has been passed on by other "ladies" in the church, for over a decade. They tell me often what people have said. I don't tell them what they say about them, because I am a decent human being.

I did not realize how much gossip ladies in my ward like to talk. 

But their opinion doesn't matter. 




And their opinions shouldn't be any of my business but when my other friends tell me what other say...
It is really mean and stupid of them really. They are a bit confused themselves, I think...
It has made me feel so much anxiety.

Speaking of anxiety! I have had one moment I sobbed here, one day that I was feeling low, but most of my visit here has been so joyful, active and happy! I am a lot healthier here. I have so much more energy. And my friends are so nice.

I will always remember the good times.

I am so grateful for this past month here <3 I will never forget it.

I have learned a lot and become stronger.

I am a little tired, I think I need a nap! Good night! :)
More later! 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Light the world! :)

 Good afternoon from Jakobstad!  Happy Christmas time! :) I hope whoever reads this, will be happy and feel joy and keep on going no matter what is thrown at them. I believe you can do it! I believe everyone can endure through all the difficulties in their lives. In Finland we have this thing called SISU. Google it... I am happy today. I have napped a lot and my parents are still napping. The missionaries in this ward are coming to visit us tonight and brining us the sacrament and my parents will meet the new elder here in this ward. He is from Washington state and he knows some of my best missionary friends. :) I love meeting new people who know my people lol. Yesterday we had the Jakobstad's ward Christmas party. It was fun. Today I was too tired to go to church. My dad is really sick and we take care of him with my mom 24/7.  My cats are doing well, they love visiting my parents, their grandparents... lol. They love snuggling with my mom and they love her when she give...
Post a Comment
Read more

Depression in the dark

 Good morninng or whatever time it is when you read this! I hope you're doing well. I have been feeling a lot better than I usually feel in November. I think that my depression hasn't been bothering me for a while now. I am feeling a lot better, especially mentally. My right leg has a neurological damage and my leg is often very painful and I have no pain meds for it, because the pain is in the NERVE, no regular pain medicine can help and I have heard you get very loopy of the nerve pain kind of meds lol. I do NOT want to be loopy! Especially not from a medicine!  I have been feeling a lot more stable and even in my emotional life. I have been at home a lot. My friend Johanna helped me a lot many times when I needed to get around. I use a wheelchair outside my home. Because if I get a pain attack in my leg, I really can't walk and/or stand. Yesterday I had a lot of pain because on Sunday I needed to use my walker a bit at church. The pain came a little late, but it did come...
Post a Comment
Read more

Things accomplished this year, against all odds...

 Good morning, day, afternoon and night!  Hope you are all doing well. I am doing so good. My leg is often in horrible, unbearable pain but it goes away after a while, it's like a "pain attack". Laat night I went to the ER here in Jakobstad and they injected a painkiller in my leg... It didn't help a long time. This morning I was writhing in pain again. It is not fun. But it makes all my other health issues seem small and insignificant. So, to say it bluntly: My depression is almost gone or like without symptoms! That is FINE. :D Makes me happy! Like, literally! HAHHAH. My cats are doing well. My mom is tired and exhausted. Me and my mom are taking care of my ailing dad. He is in Palliative care. So... We lift him up out of bed a few times a day. He sleeps a lot, sometimes he is restless... Here's what y'all clicked on this post for...  Things I have accomplished in 2024: I gained a lot of self-confidence. I believe in myself and in my potential as a future wi...
Post a Comment
Read more