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The truth, and the RANT.

 HI.


I love my American parents sis and bro Perkins! They are so nice and took so good care of me while I was in Payson! :) Now I am back at my Swedish sister Ellinor! :) My ma here (sis Perkins) told me that 1/3 of the missionaries either leave the church or become inactive after their missions. THAT IS JUST SO SAD. I cried a bit, not gonna lie. So some missionaries might think I am too much of an active member to want to be seen with me or are embarrassed by me?!? Who are these people?!? I am just flabbered in the ghast... Of course I can understand some of the thoughts they might have but embarrassed by me?!? NO thanks. And one more thing which my mom said: "It's a little weird that some of these missionaries you (me, Cindy) tried to help, invited into your home and took care of FAR AWAY FROM HOME, your parents (my parents) invited them and fed them and we all had spiritual and other nice experiences with. They don't invite you to their home, they don't even want to see you?" :'( Yeah, you know, I will try to forget some of these people. Really hard.

IT IS HARD.

Thank goodness for Heaton, Stratford, Cope and Bagwell! :) <3  and Bellon.

I am always loyal to my friends, whether they are in or out of the church! They might not know this.

And seriously, my mom is kinda right. No offense. 

I am always open and straight forward, honest and true. I will love my friends no matter what, even if they don't care squat for me. It's the kind of person I am. I just cannot grasp this. Too much. So, if you're afraid of me or feel ungrateful, just stay away. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to do something or see me or anything. But I don't care, I could move here despite all this 💩 (poop) . I have found a few NEW friends, people I haven't met while they were on their missions...

The audacity. Sorry, still stuck on the missionaries.

When my parents die, if I am able to move here, I will still support and be anybody's friend if they want to. They can do whatever the heck they want. THIS IS MY RANT. This is the only place I can get some of this out of my system, the rest will be in my journals, for my eyes only.

BELIEVE ME THERE IS MORE. I know, ridiculous.

Regardless who is my friend, who considers me their friend, I am loyal and often very forgiving. My mom is not so, because she wants people to treat her daughter (me) well. Yeah, she is an overprotective and tough mom. LOL.

This rant is mostly directed at elders and sisters who served in Finland.

I think the ones who do invite me or want to see me, those are gems and active or not, members or not, I stand by my friends. This turned out to be quite the rant lol. I am not sorry though. My mom is right. I don't understand it either.

Besides, I have a few really good friends, even when we don't have to text every minute.

But my American parents did notice a kind of "absence" of my friends... 

My mom even more so.

But the meaning and purpose and gift of serving others, means you are not often or ever getting anything for yourself. True service and love are done when you know the other one can't give anything back. And that is the center of the matter. I thought I would never come here, thought very few will visit me or us Finns in Finland etc.

The best part is that I became a better person through all of this. I learned a valuable lesson, just like with the greenie going to Finland on Tuesday at Deseret book. I get it now, I understand. In Finnish one of my acquaintances said: (paraphrased because I can't remember)

"Anna  kaikkesi, koska et voi koskaan antaa enemmän kuin saat"

AMEN to that.

Because I have been blessed and happy, and even though I have been in the mental hospital more times than I can count, even though people treat me like "not so valuable", I will treat them well. That's actually what our Savior would do... Just in case you were wondering...

BYE! 




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