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Good afternoon dear peeps! :)

 Good time zones and time of the days to you all!

I hope you're all doing well. I am doing really well. My leg hurts often and a lot, I need to rest a lot. It gets worse when I help take care of my dad. I lift, shift and turn him, move him in the wheelchair etc. It is a lot of physical work so my leg is a lot worse now. My back problems are like a pigeon's fart in the desert compared to my leg situation hahhah! :D My leg is like a sandstorm or something lol. Really awful. My favorite cousin visited us on Friday, she is a surgeon. She told me it probably is a nerve damage and maybe also a infection or whatever it's called, in the hip area or something. So it is maybe not just one thing, but two! Oh man! It is awful...

I wanted to travel to Utah this year again...

Let's hope a miracle happens! :) <3 

I am doing a lot better mentally, even when problems happen and I am tired, worried and sad. I don't feel depressed or anxious. I know all the ways I can relieve anxiety and other feelings and symptoms. I know which meds to take, what music to listen to, what to write and watch. Which hobby to turn to. The best of them all is of course praying and reading the scriptures, journaling about my feelings and faith. I have so many good ways to help myself feel healthy! 

When I was really depressed, I felt I didn't know what to do and felt like nothing would help. Nothing DID help! I tried a lot of different things. Reading, writing, music, friends, cats, tv shows and movies, knitting, playing the piano, planning, cleaning etc. There was a time nothing helped and I didn't have the will or energy to even try to feel better. Everything was just nothing. I didn't care what I ate, drank, did, watched or anything! The mess around me made me depressed and stuck, so I couldn't clean and I had no energy. It was awful!

Nowadays I want to clean and organize at home! I want to cook and eat my home made food! I want to knit, play the piano, read and write! I enjoy music again.... My cats give me more joy, my doll and pony collection are making me more interested in that hobby, I want to put all my dolls up on the shelves in my library room. I can make decisions a lot easier! It is a miracle!

I am so grateful.

It all started to look better approximately two years ago... I met some new friends and one of them was so nice and caring, I saw myself as someone worth a lot of good things! I saw I am worth a man, a life filled with good experiences, a life that has quality, to me at least. I am so much happier now since I met that one guy in the spring of 2023. It is amazing. I think he will recognize himself in this text. He might think he didn't do so much. Well, even very small things can become big! Thank you, guy!

Last year I had some horrible experiences with friends who did not understand me. 

I don't like thinking about it. I think that some people like drama and judging others. They even made an impression on my new, potential friends and so they all turned their backs to me. As one group of friends. I cried for months. I am still trying to forgive a few of those people. It's going so-so. I can get over guys within 2-3 weeks, but friendships?!? MONTHS at least. They did not know me. I am really flabbergasted still how wrong they interpreted me, my intentions and actions! I mean... It was weird.

I cried at church for months because of this. 

Skipped Sundays because I was afraid of them.

WOW. Talk about not understanding each other. LOL. 

Now it's almost back to normal. I am so happy about that. I love my friends. And for those who think that means in a ROMANTIC WAY: NOPE! Why would I love them ALL romantically? And why would I be a "regular Finn" with a serious face, just being solemn all the time and quiet? That is not me! I am an American at heart, even though I am not American. I think some people expect me to be a boring, quiet Finn and when I am not, they think I am EVIL Or flirting! Which I am not! (I am not flirting all the time, just sometimes...) Just so you know. Maybe they themselves were feeling like they were misbehaving and I must admit, I thought so too! It is often unfair. Some people are allowed to do some things, but not everyone! Different rules for everyone I guess?

Now that I have made a point of all this, people should start understanding me better. I hope.

I watched Inside out and inside out 2 a while ago, there ANGER wanted everything to be FAIR. Then I realized I am just like ANGER, because I care a lot about things being fair. I cannot stand injustice or any sort of wrongdoing...

That's all! :) 

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