Cinders' story

 Good afternoon from Finland! :) SO, let's dive in the deep end immediately. (Because the title is NOT click bait.) One thing really makes me upset. It is the worst when people say things like "you're going to get a hubby in Heaven", "You are worth of someone lovely in Heaven" and "When you are a good person here on Earth, you'll get a good hubby in Heaven. Think of all the dead soldiers..."  OK. There is SO much wrong with those sentences, I don't know where to start. First of all, if you are married and want to "comfort me" with such words, just DON'T. It doesn't help. It doesn't make me feel better, comforted or whatever. To me it sounds pretty conceded and pretentious, high and mighty, that you love playing God, here now on earth and think you know that I am not worth marriage during this life. I know for a fact: You do not know everything so stop guessing. It is none of your business. If you are happily married, g...

Good morning!  Hope you're all doing well. I am really good. I came home to my HOME yesterday evening. I slept really badly because there was a full moon, I was not used to sleeping in my own home, in my own bed. I am feeling really good today. The "fernweh" to go back to Utah has not kicked in yet. LOL. It will at some point though. I think about it all the time. It is such a great place. I miss it like crazy. I miss my friends, the Temples, the food, the shops, the sweets too, of course. The sun, the warmth. No anxiety, no depressing thoughts. Not a lot of bad things over there. Maybe some old friends who don't talk with me or some I don't talk to. Or both of us being upset. All kinds of things. A few things I learned on my trip to Utah: What a HOODOO is. Americans smile a lot. You DO often wear shoes inside. The toilet, baths and showers are kinda different... You can basically say "hi" to anyone pretty much anywhere, anytime: Completely normal. Ameri...

 Good morning dear people!  I had to delete that last post, I am sure I didn't quite think it through and I most certainly had almost all filters off hahhha. At least most of them and that is just plain stupid. I am sometimes tired when I write and then the TRUTH (?) comes out, or parts of it... My opinions are very strong most of the time and I don't need to alienate my readers further and/or make them think I am completely cuckoo. I am a little cuckoo, but honestly, there are far more people in the world who are cuckoo to the same degree, or maybe even more cuckoo than me... I just have a lot to say!  Being bullied in school and at church and by people who have once called me their friend, that is not easy. In school I was a teeny tiny bit chubby, like maybe 5 kilos too heavy or something, so I was called fatso. EVERY DAY for 10 years I was bullied in school. Then my mini mission came and I couldn't sleep or rest for two weeks, maybe 4 hours a night. Try to survive THAT...

 Dear reader, I am leaving on Monday! I can't believe it! Time has flown by...  The best things on my trip have been: Visiting four new Temples (so far...): Saratoga springs, Timpanogos two times, Payson and Provo City Center. I also saw the wrapped up Salt Lake Temple, it's being renovated...  It was still gorgeous!  SEEING MY FRIENDS!!!  Pizza with Matt & Zane, running around the BYU are with Kjerstin, going to the Temple with Kjerstin, bumping into Bellon in the Temple foyer, going to the Provo city center Temple with James... and THE PARTY!!! :) so many dear friends. McKenna, Macey, Kjerstin, Julie, Kelleen and Wayne, Scott, Gary, James, Matt, Zane and Ben. And seeing Jared twice, we went to eat noodles and then later to the movies. Jonah had the courtesy to say he can't make it... Well, maybe next year. It is sometimes weird to call these people by their first names lol. They keep calling me sis Santonen or just Santonen, it drives me nutso! :D LOL. Nex...

 Good morning and happy new week! On Friday and/or Saturday I sobbed in the evening because I don't want to go home... I don't want to leave my friends... and my friend's kids are so nice. I have been told that I am good with kids. That was the first time ever anyone has said that to me!!! Back home in Tampere, it is a very rare occasion I am allowed to hold a baby. Probably because I have mental health problems. They have judged me so often, I am almost used to it... Also, they often laugh at me and the missionaries. SURE. HAHHA!  It is ridiculous. I don't laugh at them and their old family members! Mine are younger. OK?!? The ageism, the misogyny and hypocrisy! I just don't get it.  I am not into traditional roles, or other preconceived opinions about stuff.  That is why I am "woke". If I wouldn't be.. Well, that wouldn't be me! :D LOL. Let's not go too deep into politics and/or religion, sorry! I am happy today. I am listening to some favori...

Good morning! :) I am back lol. So... I slept in a bit today, woke up after nine! WOW. That is very unusual for me... But I have the flu. Yesterday we had the party!  YaY!  Remember the song from The Little Mermaid? "Part of your world"? I love that song. I have sometimes thought that the world which I would love to be a part of would be this one, I mean here in the USA and with all my friends through the years who have served in Finland as missionaries. They are my people <3 I have always loved the missionaries.  One of the "golden oldies" who arrived at the end of the party: Sisar Clayton (nowadays Campbell), she was the first sister I was friends with in Tampere, she and I went teaching together, I was helping the sisters doing missionary work. It was in 1994! WOAH. I was 14... It was 30 years ago! WOAH. The journey has been long. But it has been worth it. I have probably spent more time with all the missionaries, if you string all the times together, than wit...

Good morning from Pleasant Grove, Utah, USA! Yesterday I visited my fourth Temple during my trip here in Utah. Now I have visited FOUR Temples here in Utah.  Tomorrow I am going to the Orem, Utah Temple. Oh, the one I went to yesterday with my friend, is the Provo center Temple. It looks stunning in the evening... The lights around it and the beauty of the garden there, and of course the Temple it self. I really love going to the Temple. Now I understand why so many Temples are being announced all the time in Utah! Because people go there so often here! It is always booked full on any given day... I need to book my seat very early. It is amazing! My mom is calling me soon, better write quick! :D  After the Temple me and my friend walked around the Temple grounds, almost ordered Domino's to a random ledge/edge we found to sit on, but were afraid we were "loitering"... So when the police car arrive, we were already on our way from the place we found. We went to the pizza pl...

 Hello!  SO. I have been having a wonderful time here in Utah, with and without some or most of my friends here. Some of them haven't made it here yet, because school starts for them soon. I am happy to have been spending time with my hosts, other friends and new acquaintances. I don't think I am that upset about all the other people ignoring my messages. That's how it goes sometimes. Someday I would love to be surprised by something nice that would happen, like friendship and relationship-wise. But it's ok. I am not in a hurry. About that. I am sorry to say but so many of my "friends" in Finland have bullied me and put me down for basically all my life. Some maybe out of jealousy, some people are just vicious, it seems... The phrase: "You will get a husband in Heaven" and it many iterations have been prevalent. I have been brainwashed to believe I am worthless. By my so-called "best friends". I mean, they are mostly all married and have a ...