Cinders' story

 Dear reader, Today there is no rant. There might be some opinions about difficulties in life, but I will try to look on the bright side. Just facts, happy talk and hope to become better. I am over the negative stuff and I feel like I need to get over a lot of the grudges I have been holding against some people and let go of the resentment, let it go and become a better woman. Holding onto a grudge doesn't help me. It has been making my life  really sad and pathetic. First of all, my dad is in the final stages of his life. There is a lot of health problems he is suffering from and they are taking their toll. My dad used to go for long distance walks most of his life. He never did just sit in front of the TV all day or such. I loved going on walks with him and these past few years his knees has been getting worse, they have done their part, so to speak. I am sad and worried for the end of my dad's life. He is 1/3 of our family unit! We only got FATHER MOTHER CHILD, in our famil...

 Good afternoon! This is the Cinderella monster. Like, literally :D If you know, you know. LOL. I visited Canary Islands for ten (10) days this month. It was wonderful! We ate good food, took many naps and shopped. When we were still on our trip my dad got ill. He is still in the hospital. When we came home my mom got sick. During the trip my pains got a lot worse and we rented a wheelchair for the second part of our vacation. My mom pushed me around and sometimes I tried to wheel myself around at it went pretty ok. SO. Today I went to a nerve and pain test to the big hospital here in my home city. My right leg gets kind of pain attacks and it is really painful. So now I can't go outside without a friend or person who can push me around in my wheelchair. The pain suddenly worsened before the trip but there it got unbearable. I am trying to rest.  My mom and dad were in the same hospital for a short while. My dad is still at the hospital and my mom got home today. I am at home,...

 Good morning from Finland! It seems that this has become my rant blog... SO sorry! I hope not to have so much to rant about today.  I hope you're all doing well. I have been "busy" and when I am not, I often get a lot of anxiety. This country is SO DARK during the Fall and Winter. It sucks! A LOT! But my trip to Utah did change me in many ways... I don't feel as much anxiety and not so often as before! I have a lot more energy! My depression is better... Before I didn't care if my home was messy or all my stuff was wherever in my home. Nowadays I want to organize my things more and keep it clean(er). I want to organize my books, Barbies and other fashion dolls, my other collectibles and journals etc. I want even to DECORATE ETC.!!! That is a first! WAU. I used to be so depressed, I didn't care... That trip changed my life. I have also now dropped 20 kilos of my weight! WOW. I have a diet medicine and it makes me less hungry. Only problem is that I forget to e...

 Good afternoon from Finland! :) SO, let's dive in the deep end immediately. (Because the title is NOT click bait.) One thing really makes me upset. It is the worst when people say things like "you're going to get a hubby in Heaven", "You are worth of someone lovely in Heaven" and "When you are a good person here on Earth, you'll get a good hubby in Heaven. Think of all the dead soldiers..."  OK. There is SO much wrong with those sentences, I don't know where to start. First of all, if you are married and want to "comfort me" with such words, just DON'T. It doesn't help. It doesn't make me feel better, comforted or whatever. To me it sounds pretty conceded and pretentious, high and mighty, that you love playing God, here now on earth and think you know that I am not worth marriage during this life. I know for a fact: You do not know everything so stop guessing. It is none of your business. If you are happily married, g...

Good morning!  Hope you're all doing well. I am really good. I came home to my HOME yesterday evening. I slept really badly because there was a full moon, I was not used to sleeping in my own home, in my own bed. I am feeling really good today. The "fernweh" to go back to Utah has not kicked in yet. LOL. It will at some point though. I think about it all the time. It is such a great place. I miss it like crazy. I miss my friends, the Temples, the food, the shops, the sweets too, of course. The sun, the warmth. No anxiety, no depressing thoughts. Not a lot of bad things over there. Maybe some old friends who don't talk with me or some I don't talk to. Or both of us being upset. All kinds of things. A few things I learned on my trip to Utah: What a HOODOO is. Americans smile a lot. You DO often wear shoes inside. The toilet, baths and showers are kinda different... You can basically say "hi" to anyone pretty much anywhere, anytime: Completely normal. Ameri...

 Good morning dear people!  I had to delete that last post, I am sure I didn't quite think it through and I most certainly had almost all filters off hahhha. At least most of them and that is just plain stupid. I am sometimes tired when I write and then the TRUTH (?) comes out, or parts of it... My opinions are very strong most of the time and I don't need to alienate my readers further and/or make them think I am completely cuckoo. I am a little cuckoo, but honestly, there are far more people in the world who are cuckoo to the same degree, or maybe even more cuckoo than me... I just have a lot to say!  Being bullied in school and at church and by people who have once called me their friend, that is not easy. In school I was a teeny tiny bit chubby, like maybe 5 kilos too heavy or something, so I was called fatso. EVERY DAY for 10 years I was bullied in school. Then my mini mission came and I couldn't sleep or rest for two weeks, maybe 4 hours a night. Try to survive THAT...

 Dear reader, I am leaving on Monday! I can't believe it! Time has flown by...  The best things on my trip have been: Visiting four new Temples (so far...): Saratoga springs, Timpanogos two times, Payson and Provo City Center. I also saw the wrapped up Salt Lake Temple, it's being renovated...  It was still gorgeous!  SEEING MY FRIENDS!!!  Pizza with Matt & Zane, running around the BYU are with Kjerstin, going to the Temple with Kjerstin, bumping into Bellon in the Temple foyer, going to the Provo city center Temple with James... and THE PARTY!!! :) so many dear friends. McKenna, Macey, Kjerstin, Julie, Kelleen and Wayne, Scott, Gary, James, Matt, Zane and Ben. And seeing Jared twice, we went to eat noodles and then later to the movies. Jonah had the courtesy to say he can't make it... Well, maybe next year. It is sometimes weird to call these people by their first names lol. They keep calling me sis Santonen or just Santonen, it drives me nutso! :D LOL. Nex...